Definitive Ranking of the March Madness Women’s Tournament

By Mascot

Hey everyone, the NCAA women’s basketball tournament is about to begin and so I decided to rank them the most significant way I know how….which is by mascot.

And with that note, let the arbitrary rankings begin!

1. South Carolina Gamecocks — cock fighting is an thing people participate in, I don’t want to mess with an angry chicken. (Also no one wants to mess with the Gamecocks, they are undefeated going into the tournament and are looking to repeat as national champions.

2. Portland Pilots — Their mascot is a river boat pilot named Wally who has been cheering the team since 1935. That’s fantastic.

3. Alabama Crimson Tide represented by Big Al the elephant. When your mascot is a color and a tidal condition, I guess you can pick anything to be your mascot so why not an elephant? Elephants are large and pretty scary.

4. Miami Hurricanes — natural disasters are scary…I don’t want to mess with a hurricane. And now that I’m in my thirties, I don’t want to drink one either.

5. UCLA Bruins — a classic bear. Though I have never seen a bear in California, I still like the mascot.

6. Maryland Terrapins — You have to love a school that clings to a turtle.

7. Sacramento State Hornets — represented by Herky the Hornet and it’s popular cheer is “Stingers Up!” You know what? No one likes a hornet, I would fear this…